It does not matter what the occasion is; When women meet, they talk about their WEIGHT. At a wedding. At work. At the local supermarket. At any social event. Always this one topic. Normally I would take part in such conversation. But I’m tired of this “I’m too fat sh*t”.
Been there, done that, never again! Even writing this blog about weight-loss irritates me . But I’m so tired of trying to lose weight. I just don’t have the strength to punish myself anymore!
About a year ago I looked into the mirror and made a deliberate and conscious decision to never ever go on another weight-loss diet in my lifetime. No shakes, no pills, no measuring of food, no starvation , no nothing! I am “Forty Plusser” and realized with a shock that I was always on some weight loss diet – all of my adult life!! I made peace with my body. I vowed to never ever go on any weight-loss diet. I am so over it! In fact, I also don’t even want to hear about your new diet weight loss venture. Sorry!
I have never been happy with my appearance. It is fair to say that we all struggle with our self-image in one way or another. I still hate seeing myself in pictures!
Since my teenage years I was Jo-Jo dieting. Well, I’d been on a new diet almost every second month. I was either losing weight or gaining it all back.
I had this sickening obsession with my weight. “Weight loss Syndrome”: I had this “Starting Next Monday”syndrome. You know? Okay and the “New Years Resolution Syndrome” thing. O and this “I will be happy if I lose 10 or 20 Kilogram”crap.
I’m on chronic medication that has weight gain as a side effect, but I have to admit that I also used this medicine induced weight gain issue as an excuse to eat even more. I was gaining weight as a side effect from the medication… but my eating habits also contributed to even more weight gain over the years.
In your face moment! I was unable to sustain any exercise programme. You see, during the first week of any weight-loss attempt, I was very enthusiastic with any new training programme. Then after a few weeks I would slowly but surely lose interest in vigorous exercise. So, every evening I just laid on the couch and watched tv and eat. So the question is: “What did I ate?”With every main meal I would eat real food. You know – “healthy food”. But after a meal I would also “supplement” my meal by eating lots of junk food. Chocolates, chips, cake, tarts, food. Emotional eating.
This was me on every single weight loss diet programme that I’d ever tried: I would spend five days on a new weight-loss diet and then I would crash back into my old eating habits.
You see. This is how weight-loss dieting works goes for me: I don’t know why, but while I am on a weight loss diet I am hungry ALL THE TIME. I also become very tired. When I’m tired I become depressed and when I’m depressed I’m hungry and eat all the time. As soon as I eat, I feel guilty and the guilt makes me feel anxious and when I’m anxious I’m hungry again and then I eat again. If I eat too much I get tired and just lay on the couch . All I can think of is food and eating. I then think of myself as a failure. Vicious circle .
But, let’s be honest. Energy IN versus energy OUT not rocket science. I ate way too much. Totally obsessed. All my attempts to lose weight were fruitless. I wonder how much money I’ve spent on dieting during my lifetime? It must be a colossal amount!!
Dieting don’t work! Dieting sucks big time. Can I tell you what happened to me since I’m no longer dieting? You must take into consideration that I have been dieting for more than twenty years. So it was a real battle inside my head. I had to eat less food. Not a starvation lifestyle. Just smaller portions, no second helpings. Lifestyle change.
It took me longer than two months to start eating less. New research has found weight-loss interventions that are founded on habit change, (forming new habits or breaking old habits) may be effective at helping people lose weight and keep it off. Interesting fact. The less I eat, the less I feel hungry and the less I think about food.
I am no longer obsessed with food or my weight. I eat whatever I want, whenever I want. Please note. I now eat to live and not live to eat. I do everything in moderation. The stress that I’m going to be a failure has disappeared.
I could not care less whether I lose weight or not anymore. I have closed this chapter on the “I am ugly and fat crap”. And guess what? I have not gain one milligram in a years time. On the contrary. I lost a few kilograms without dieting.
WORDS OF WISDOM: Don’t link your self-worth to the size of your jeans. You are beautiful just the way you are darling!!!