Depression – a short open letter

As a Forty Plusser that suffer with bipolar disorder I want to write an open letter about the word “DEPRESSION”. You know, THAT word that we so easily throw around nowadays. People use this word to describe anything from a bad day to an overwhelming inability to live a “happy”life. Depression is insidious, creeping and building up over time. We are not always aware of why it happens because how slowly and quietly it sneaks up on us. Little by little… then, as if out of the blue, that famous black cloud is overhead!!! BAM!!
Depression is a reaction to a life that you never imagined would be yours. It’s an reaction to stress and the inability to change a situation. Depression is a lack of energy. It is a deep sadness and feeling of regret. Yes, in the early stages of depression things like going for a walk, talking to a friend or doing something you enjoy can help. But, here’s the thing! A longer-lasting, deeper depression can feel too hard to “beat”. The effort to do small things is HUGE and the pressure to do anything is even bigger.
Yes, people always say that you should TALK to someone. But how do you put words on something so hard to even understand yourself during this time? I sometimes struggle to let people, that do not suffer from depression, that this no longer feels like a choice and that it controls you not the other way around! I cannot just SNAP out of it!!!!! Some days everything just feels too much to handle. Depression is when everything feels too hard. You may wonder how you ever enjoyed anything at all. When you strike a low, you find it harder and harder to get out of bed every morning. You drag yourself through the day…you feel overwhelmed.
I use my meds everyday. I try to live a normal life, but there are days that I really strike a low!! I know that with depression, it is counter productive to keep pretending to be okay. There needs to be an acceptance that depression is a part of your life. Own up to it for yourself. You must allow yourself the time needed to get through this. It does take time!!! I know how hard it is to imagine yourself feeling better ever again… Don’t allow not being able to imagine a better future put you off making changes now. NOTE TO MYSELF AND ANYONE SUFFERING WITH DEPRESSION: You need to get help from somewhere, be it your doctor, a professional or a person that understand your depression. Remember, none of these people will do it perfectly. They will support you, and you need to allow that to happen. I truly hope that this gets easier for you.
When I am really down, I lose ALL HOPE. Hope is gone. I feel dead. I feel numb. I feel negative. I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel hurt. I feel hopeless. I feel like a burden to other people. I feel that I am better off dead. Yes, hope is one of those things that disappears with depression, so for now I will hope for you until you find that hope again for yourself. BIG HUGSxxx

Categories Depression, Life lessonTags ,

2 thoughts on “Depression – a short open letter

  1. I love your last line: “I will hope for you until you find hope again for yourself.” May we all try to reach out that way, too. Thank you, as always, for how you share so deeply about this issue. Much love to you today!! And hugs (germ free ones!)
    Virginia : )

    Liked by 1 person

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JULI HOFFMAN

Writer, Reader, Photographer, Herder of Cats, Collector of Dusty/Old Things.

ZIPPYS

|Spot On Motherhood

This Girl's Got Curves

A navigation of the bipolar life

Third Millennium Man

For the gifts and the call of God are irrevocable.

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