Broken beauty

As a Forty Plusser I could and probably would never ever figure out why women stay in abusive relationships. What is it with us woman??! Why do women keep up with this shit? Are we genetically wired to always hope for the best? I don’t even have the slightest answer!

Growing up with an alcoholic father, I can say for sure, that I have more than enough experience on how a drunk husband can insult and emotionally abuse his wife… My father never hit my mother… or at least I don’t hope so. My mother deserved much much more and better in life. I bet that she would have liked to be treated normal… like having a husband who didn’t break her spirit. She needed a well mannered, decent husband. She needed positive attention and admiration. She needed to hear that she was loved. She needed to hear that she was a good mother. She needed to hear that she was a good wife. She needed to hear that she was beautiful… o boy, she was a real beauty!!! But nothing! He never ever treated her the way a wife should be treated! From my point of view my father battered her soul in so many ways. My father also emotionally abused me… stuff like… calling me a slut… I was still a girl and definitely a virgin!!! He was not a good soul… he was lost in his own world of darkness… I often wish that I had some superpower to safe and rescue my mother from all this crap. My heart bled for her sake. Why did my mother stay with this sick bastard? (My father died in 1998).

This is what I know for sure: Someone may use bad judgment by staying in an unhealthy or dangerous situation, but it DOES NOT MEAN that they are responsible or even asking for the abuse perpetrated against them!! So none of us may even try to judge!!! PLEASE DON’T!

Image result for image quotes on raise your daughter

Experience taught me that there are lots of elements that influence a person’s decision to stay in an abusive relationship. Most women don’t have the support system to leave the abusive relationship. If you have never been abused, you might wonder why a person wouldn’t just leave an abusive relationship.

You know what? “Just leaving” can be more complicated than it seems. I think that many women may be financially dependent on their abusive partner. Women stay in relationships to feed their children and offer them a place to stay. So, without money it can seem impossible for them to leave the relationship. I also know that some women are afraid that they might bring shame upon their family if they would leave… Women may also feel embarrassed or ashamed and it can be difficult to express the depth of their situation to others. Abusive husbands may even kill their wives if they threaten to leave the relationship. For the abuser it is all about power!

Women in abusive relationships often attempt to break up with their partner several times before the breakup sticks. Often, women in emotionally abusive relationships may not fully understand that they are being abused because there’s no physical violence involved. Also, women in abusive relationships feel worthless. Ever noticed that when an abusive situation happens, it is followed by this abuser doing something nice? The vicious circle… false promises…that they will never do it again… blah blah blah.

Such a pity!! Abused women feel like there’s no better option for themselves. Abusers will often turn the situation around and make their partner feel guilty. Abusive husbands can make their wives believe that they are somehow at fault. Another reason for not leaving is the fact that the victim might genuinely love their partner. The victim thinks that she can’t live without the abuser! Religious beliefs can also bind a woman to an abusive relationship based on commitments and oaths. Sad but true – It is very very hard to understand the chains that bind a victim to the abuser.

I think that only victims of domestic violence truly understand that the pain and suffering do not instantly disappear when escaping the abusive relationship. I read the following: “Women that leave often suffer psychologically even more than when they were in the abusive relationship, unless they get the real help they need to deal with trauma, etc…”.

We as parents need to raise children to respect each other.  Children must also be taught to deal with emotions and communicate without violence.

Image result for image quotes on abusive relationshipsRelated image

Wisdom:

  • It is not the the bruises on the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind.  Aisha Mirza
  • So many people suffer from abuse, and suffer alone. Pamela Stephenson
  • Poisonous relationships can alter our perception. You can spend many years thinking you’re worthless… but you’re not worthless, you’re unappreciated. Steve Maraboli 
  •   You survived the abuse. You’re going to survive the recovery.
  •   Family is supposed to be our safe haven. Very often, it’s the place where we   find the deepest heartache.     

     

 

9 thoughts on “Broken beauty

  1. I don’t know my great grandmother left her husband who would hit her after coming back from pub. One day she just took the children and walked out, stained on friends sofa, got cleaning jobs and it was very difficult as no welfare then, but eventually the oldest my great aunt Annie got a job to and they were able to find a flat to rent in East end. 🌸 💕 🌸

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She must have been a very strong woman! Good for her!! xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I only wish it had been different for her as she was a lovely lady and like your mother didn’t deserve this. Thank you for speaking up about this for awareness Divine blessings 🌸 💕 🌸 💕

    Liked by 1 person

  3. An emotive subject but yes we must raise our children to respect each other and deal with emotions …Thank you for the follow 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This piece is spot on. The abuse is so subtle that the victim if often unaware that it’s happening. Thank you for posting this to shed more light on a subject that is not recognized or thought of as taboo.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for visiting my blog.
      You are right. The abuse is subtle!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I had a really difficult time leaving an emotionally abusive relationship. The relationship doesn’t start out abusive. There’s a honeymoon period… there are many honeymoon periods. Leaving is complicated. It’s heartbreaking. I went to the YWCA for Domestic Violence survivors counseling about a year after I finally left my ex-husband. I learned so much! There is a cycle of abuse. There is a systematic way in which most abusers isolate their victims and tear them down so they’re are dependent on many levels. There are typically threats of violence if they leave. Leaving an abusive relationship is actually the most dangerous thing a woman can do. For most, emotional abuse is the stepping stone to physical abuse. In relationships where there isn’t apparent physical abuse there are layers of abuse going on which aren’t recognized until you’re out of it and have someone reflecting back what you thought was wrong. Why didn’t I leave the first time my ex tore me to shreds emotionally? I did!!!! The parish priest told me I was being unfair. The marriage counselor we went to at my demand upon the guilt trip from the priest and my ex shamed me for leaving him. No one wanted to hear that this man had verbally abused me and was cheating on me and a whole slew of other things. It took me about 5 years to get up the strength to leave him again. I learned to take the emotional abuse in stride. I was broken down mentally, physically and emotionally. Others still blamed me for the failure of my marriage. What people see on the outside is very different than what goes on behind closed doors.

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    1. First of all – thanks for visiting my blog.
      You are very very brave!! I salute you for leaving this abusive relationship!! Good for you!!! Strongs xxx
      Totally agree – ” In relationships where there isn’t apparent physical abuse there are layers of abuse going on which aren’t recognized until you’re out of it and have someone reflecting back…”

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Reblogged this on Notes and commented:
    I love the title of this post. In two words, she spoke a million. What baffles her mind, has never baffled mine. I have actually praised and totally drew a huge energy and courage from such brave souls. Life is not a joke, neither it is an on/off switch. A commitment is a commitment. Especially when you make love to someone and accept them the way they are. All of this talk about “their true colors came out too late” is like admitting you were stupid in the beginning. I have always had a special place in my heart for those who have the power to “stay” instead of the ones “rushing out the door” until there are no more doors left to rush out of. This divorce culture has brought nothing but a kind of anarchy and the confusion of the simplest word “love”. I so much want to repeat the vows here that a woman utters to a man in front of so many people;

    I, ____, take you, ____, to be my wife (or husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law, and this is my solemn vow.

    Just note the word “in health and sickness”. Sometimes the soul and the brain of our loved ones get sick. Leaving them in that sickness is a clear violation of that vow. Just like capital punishment, I’m against divorce or breakup of any sort. There is nobody 100% evil in this world.

    (Amir drops mic)

    Liked by 1 person

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