As a Forty Plusser I could and probably would never ever figure out why women stay in abusive relationships. What is it with us woman??! Why do women keep up with this shit? Are we genetically wired to always hope for the best? I don’t even have the slightest answer!
Growing up with an alcoholic father, I can say for sure, that I have more than enough experience on how a drunk husband can insult and emotionally abuse his wife… My father never hit my mother… or at least I don’t hope so. My mother deserved much much more and better in life. I bet that she would have liked to be treated normal… like having a husband who didn’t break her spirit. She needed a well mannered, decent husband. She needed positive attention and admiration. She needed to hear that she was loved. She needed to hear that she was a good mother. She needed to hear that she was a good wife. She needed to hear that she was beautiful… o boy, she was a real beauty!!! But nothing! He never ever treated her the way a wife should be treated! From my point of view my father battered her soul in so many ways. My father also emotionally abused me… stuff like… calling me a slut… I was still a girl and definitely a virgin!!! He was not a good soul… he was lost in his own world of darkness… I often wish that I had some superpower to safe and rescue my mother from all this crap. My heart bled for her sake. Why did my mother stay with this sick bastard? (My father died in 1998).
This is what I know for sure: Someone may use bad judgment by staying in an unhealthy or dangerous situation, but it DOES NOT MEAN that they are responsible or even asking for the abuse perpetrated against them!! So none of us may even try to judge!!! PLEASE DON’T!
Experience taught me that there are lots of elements that influence a person’s decision to stay in an abusive relationship. Most women don’t have the support system to leave the abusive relationship. If you have never been abused, you might wonder why a person wouldn’t just leave an abusive relationship.
You know what? “Just leaving” can be more complicated than it seems. I think that many women may be financially dependent on their abusive partner. Women stay in relationships to feed their children and offer them a place to stay. So, without money it can seem impossible for them to leave the relationship. I also know that some women are afraid that they might bring shame upon their family if they would leave… Women may also feel embarrassed or ashamed and it can be difficult to express the depth of their situation to others. Abusive husbands may even kill their wives if they threaten to leave the relationship. For the abuser it is all about power!
Women in abusive relationships often attempt to break up with their partner several times before the breakup sticks. Often, women in emotionally abusive relationships may not fully understand that they are being abused because there’s no physical violence involved. Also, women in abusive relationships feel worthless. Ever noticed that when an abusive situation happens, it is followed by this abuser doing something nice? The vicious circle… false promises…that they will never do it again… blah blah blah.
Such a pity!! Abused women feel like there’s no better option for themselves. Abusers will often turn the situation around and make their partner feel guilty. Abusive husbands can make their wives believe that they are somehow at fault. Another reason for not leaving is the fact that the victim might genuinely love their partner. The victim thinks that she can’t live without the abuser! Religious beliefs can also bind a woman to an abusive relationship based on commitments and oaths. Sad but true – It is very very hard to understand the chains that bind a victim to the abuser.
I think that only victims of domestic violence truly understand that the pain and suffering do not instantly disappear when escaping the abusive relationship. I read the following: “Women that leave often suffer psychologically even more than when they were in the abusive relationship, unless they get the real help they need to deal with trauma, etc…”.
We as parents need to raise children to respect each other. Children must also be taught to deal with emotions and communicate without violence.
- It is not the the bruises on the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars on the mind. Aisha Mirza
- So many people suffer from abuse, and suffer alone. Pamela Stephenson
- Poisonous relationships can alter our perception. You can spend many years thinking you’re worthless… but you’re not worthless, you’re unappreciated. Steve Maraboli
- You survived the abuse. You’re going to survive the recovery.
- Family is supposed to be our safe haven. Very often, it’s the place where we find the deepest heartache.