Life’s good again

As a Forty Plusser- Life’s good again today!!  I snapped out of my depressive episode.  About a month ago I was at a total bottom low “Hello Darkness”.  For the past few weeks I wasn’t able to write ANY posts.  Thank you WordPress for the scheduled post option!!   My brain was one big empty darkness.   Just nothing!   I could not think, I could not eat, I could not get up in the morning, I could not find pleasure in anything, I just did not have strength to live life!!  Bipolar is a bitch!!   I feel like a robot that is controlled by the chemical imbalance inside my brain!   It is a constant ebb and flow of striking highs and lows.   I really have NO CONTROL over this!  Quotes like “We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.” Bullshit man!! 

group of people having neon party
Photo by Marcin Dampc on Pexels.com

But today is not a bad day!  Okay, it is not exactly a jingle bells, somersault, acrobatic moment, no just normal, just content.   I rejoice!  I feel normal again.   I can see clearly again.   I can feel again!  You go girl!  Yesterday I decided to get on the treadmill.  Guess what?  I ran for 15 minutes.   It was a big step for me, a great accomplishment!  It was better than nothing at all!   Let me tell you, I felt super afterwards, so proud of myself!

My temper is under control!   Today, I feel at peace with life.   Everything’s good.   I feel mellow and in control of everything.  This absolute feeling of a constant state of rage is gone!   I feel free!   Life is beautiful again.  Yes, I actually see the beauty in everything.   I see the beauty of the sunset’s glory!  Gone are those feelings of hopelessness.   Gone are those crying for no apparent reason.  At this moment I don’t feel sad, worthless or guilty.   What an amazing feeling it is to be able to concentrate and staying focused!!  I don’t have any overwhelming feelings of anxiety!   What a relief!!!  I just love it!!!

photography of woman surrounded by sunflowers
Photo by Andre Furtado on Pexels.com

I hate depression.   Depression blocks my vision of a positive future.  When I hit a low and can’t even tolerate the present.  But today I have a really good upbeat streak!  I do have the strength to find joy in my daily activities.  Can it even be possible?

Just the thought of a relapse makes me absolutely terrified.  I know that I will relapse… it always happens after feeling this good.  But for now I will just let it be and enjoy every minute of feeling joy again!!

Wisdom: “May you find comfort and peace in every situation.”
Lailah Gifty Akita, Pearls of Wisdom: Great mind    

 

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7 thoughts on “Life’s good again

  1. To what do you attribute the change? Did you exercise during the depression? Just curious if that would help

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi, nothing… I just snap out of it… When I am depressed nothing helps.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Me too. Wierd, isn’t it? Glad you snapped out 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Depression, oh i have been there, in there dark place, but somehow i could go forward and you know what? Feels good to be back❤️

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I am glad to hear that you are better!!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Daily Renewal Mar 8, 2019 — 12:28 am

    Oh no! I’m sorry you were so depressed. I am so happy you are feeling better now 🙂 Welcome back to life! That’s how I feel after depression too. LOL. Have a great day!

    Liked by 1 person

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